OFFICE HUMOUR : CORPORATE TERMINOLOGY

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay you enough to expect that you'll dress nicely.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

MUST BE FLEXIBLE: On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.

APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST : You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS : Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

GRADUATE TRAINEE JOB KENYA

Employment term: Permanent
LOCATION: Nairobi
A leading IT solutions company has just advertised that it seeks to recruit an enthusiastic and self-driven graduate trainee position.
Reporting to the marketing manager, the successful candidate's key role will be to mobilize sales and maintain customer relations.
DUTIES & RESPONSIBILITIES
- Constantly prospecting for new job opportunities
- Identifying and handling customer concerns
- Preparing adequate sales and marketing strategies that ensures company attains its goals and objectives.
- Communicating new product opportunities and feedback.
QUALIFICATIONS AND EXPERIENCE
- Graduated in 2010 or awaiting graduation.
- Bachelor of commerce degree majoring in marketing.
- No experience required
- Excellent communication skills both. oral & written.
- Good customer service.
- Pleasant personality.
- Ability to work under minimum supervision and manage under pressure.
- Detail oriented
- Ambitious and self-driven
To apply, send your CV only to recruit@flexi-personnel.com by 4th March 2011 clearly indicating the position you are applying for on the subject line.

INTERNATIONAL LAWYERS FOR AFRICA (ILFA) JOB VACANCIES

International lawyers for Africa (ILFA), an initiative set up by leading law firms and academics in the UK which aims to develop African lawyers' legal skills in international relations, trade, finance and dispute resolution is inviting applications from qualified lawyers :
- Working or seeking to work in private practice, commerce or government service.
- Committed to developing their legal skills in international law, commercial law and/or dispute resolution.
Interested candidates should obtain an application form online from www.ilfa.org.uk.
Applications to be submitted to P.O Box 40111-00100 Nairobi by 17th March 2011.
Envelopes should be clearly marked ILFA- Kenya

WHERE/HOW TO FIND JOBS IN KENYA

If you are a Kenyan job seeker  looking for your very first job in Kenya, switching careers or reentering the job market, you must admit that job hunting is a job in itself. Below are a few ideas on where to find jobs in Kenya.
1. NETWORKING- At times the only thing that you need to find jobs in Kenya is to network. Most Kenyan companies and other companies in general tend to rely mostly on employee referrals. Make a list of your friends, relatives and acquaintances and call each one of them and ask if they know of any openings that they could have heard of or recommend for you.
2. REGISTER WITH EMPLOYMENT AGENCIES/RECRUITMENT FIRMS- Some employers usually advertise with recruitment firms so it would be advisable to register with these firms. On top of these, the recruiting firms usually assist job-seekers with better CV preparation and good interview skills. Example of recruiting firms that can help you find jobs in Kenya include:
- Adept management system (www.adeptsys.biz)
- Corporate staffing services (www.staff-kenya.com)

3. USE THE DAILLIES- This is a very popular method by job seekers who seek to find jobs in Kenya. You can always be sure to find numerous job postings on the local newspapers e.g. the standard newspaper and the daily nation.

4. ONLINE/INTERNET APPLICATIONS- Most  organizations and companies are going green and prefer to advertise jobs in Kenya online. With online applications one can be able send a resume via Email. Some sites will allow you to submit a resume/CV to be on file for employers to browse when they have vacancies. A few examples of such websites include:
- www.careerpointkenya.com
- www.webarazacareers.com
- www.kenyanjobs.blogspot.com
 - www.soaringblackeagle.blogspot.com

The search for Jobs in Kenya by a jobseeker is full of many options as can be noted above. The methods are not exhaustive and am sure there are other methods of finding jobs. Feel free to add any method in the comments section.

OFFICE HUMOUR : SOMEBODY WITH IMAGINATION WANTED

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job you told us you had 5 Years experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had." "Well," the young man said, "In your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination!"

TIPS ON HOW TO WRITE A GOOD COVER LETTER

Your resume can be very impressive but if your cover letter is not equally impressive it's entirely possible that your resume will never get read. First impressions are lasting impressions. Most people spend just a few seconds reading a cover letter so it has to make your case clearly and effectively.
Below are a few tips to consider when writing a cover letter :
- Every cover letter you write should be customized for the job you are applying for, clear and concise, correct grammar and error-free.
- Send a customized cover letter with each resume you send out. Even if an employer doesn't request a cover letter it's helpful to send one.
- Target your cover letter. Take the job posting and list the criteria the employer is looking for. Then list the skills and experience you have. Either address how your skills match the job in paragraph form or list the criteria and your qualifications.
- Don't rehearse your resume. Your cover letter should complement not duplicate your resume. Expand on your resume and highlight your background as it relates to the job.
- Be simple and clear - Get right to the point and write short, targeted letters. Each letter should be one page or less.
- Personalize your letter - If you can, address it to the individual responsible for hiring. If need be, research online or make a phone call to find out who the hiring manager is.
- Spell check and proofread. Then ask someone else to read your correspondence before you send it.
- Review samples of cover letters to get ideas for format and content for your letter.
- Keep copies of all your cover letters, so you know what you sent to whom.

GOOD INTERVIEW BODY LANGUAGE

Your body language gives a lot more information about you e.g. whether you come across as insecure or self assured, whether you are speaking truthfully or not etc.
By becoming more aware of your body language and of others, you can definitely increase your chances of getting the job.
Below are a few useful body language tips to adopt during a job interview :
- Arrive in time for the job interview ad arriving late for your job interview(important appointment) is absolutely unacceptable. Lame excuses like being stuck in traffic or missing the bus are unacceptable either.
- When shaking hands, shake hands firmly but not too powerfully and look straight at the other person.
- When greeting panel interviewers across the table, it is advisable to walk around the table to shake hands with the panel members instead of leaning over the table and with each greeting look directly at the other person and say your name. Do not assume the panel members know your name unless its an internal application.
- If you are not directed to take a specific seat and you are left to choose then choose a place from where you can clearly see all the interview participants and also from where they can all see you.
- During your job interview try sitting up straight in your chair with your back against the back of the chair as this indicates that you are interested but still come across as being relaxed. Sitting at the edge of your chair gives the impression that you feel uncomfortable and tensed.
- During your job interview it is advisable not to place your hands across your chest as it is interpreted as a defensive move. You would rather place your hands on the armwrests of your chair or loosely on your lap because from these positions it is also easy to support your words with hand gestures.
- During the job interview it is critical to look at the interview members to an equal extent because this gives a sign of trust to the person we are directly looking at and by looking equally at the other members, it states that we are in control of the conversation.
In conclusion, always remember to check that your body language is sending the correct and right signals during the job interview.

OFFICE HUMOUR : PICK A STARTING SALARY

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The He person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary and a company car leased every 2 years - say a red Corvette?" The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR person said, "certainly,--- but you started it."